Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
