Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
