this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
