my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
