i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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