WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
