Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
