just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"