I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
