i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
