Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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