I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
