And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
