So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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