Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
