we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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