is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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