Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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