I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
