yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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