I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
