We won't sleep together?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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