i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
