no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
