I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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