Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
