i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
