She's JV to your varsity
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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