K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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