So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
