I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
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I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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