im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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