im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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