u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love accidental penises.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
