He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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