She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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