that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
