The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
