I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
