How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
