Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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