lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
