just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize