youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
sex in a hospital.. check
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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