I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
