Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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