All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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