I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
