I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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