I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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