Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
