She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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