I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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