Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
