i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
