Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
