a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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