Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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