I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
