Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
