So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
