I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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