also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
