I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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