she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
