I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
