I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
