i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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